“Friendship… has no survival value; rather it is one of those things which gives value to survival.”
I recently came across a magazine/website/blog called Mindful Matter (published by Holstee) and one of the things they do is publish a calendar with monthly themes along the lines of intention, friendship, curiosity, creativity, rebellion, gratitude, etc. I thought those themes sounded like perfect ideas to contemplate for blog posts so here is the first in my year of monthly themes: Friendship
I moved to the UK many years ago, far away from any family. When I had my first baby I felt quite isolated as I had no relatives close by to help and didn’t know anyone else with a young baby. During that first year I was fortunate enough to make friends through mothering programmes, baby groups, the gym, and other moms in the neighbourhood. We got together with our babies fairly often. And then we formed a book club.
Ahhh, that book club. The chance to escape feedings, nappy changes, endless washing up, etc. and get together with like-minded, intellectually-stimulating and fun women was like nirvana! We all came from countries around the world with different backgrounds and cultures so we challenged each other, educated each other, and wow – we laughed. As all of us continued having babies we took turns caring for each other and the little ones, cooking meals for the new parents (Meals on Heels), rescuing each other out of small crises, becoming each other’s families.
In the 15 years we have been together we have supported each other through house moves, illness, divorce, re-marriage and death. We have travelled together, danced together, and shared each other’s secrets and dreams.
The Japanese have a term, kenzoku, which translated literally means “family”. The connotation suggests a bond between people who’ve made a similar commitment and who possibly therefore share a similar destiny. It implies the presence of the deepest connection of friendship. These women, my book club women, are my kenzoku.
In a 75-year long study done by Harvard on the effect of relationships on health and happiness they found that having friends, meaningful relationships, and steady connections is the biggest indicator of a happy life. If you feel like you are missing this sort of connection in your life consider what Ralph Waldo Emerson said: the best way to have a friend is to be one. I’d love to hear about the impact of friendship in your life.
“Friendship... is not something you learn in school. But if you haven’t learned the meaning of friendship, you really haven’t learned anything.”
